Frienemy pt.1

When a man’s ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him (Proverbs 16:7).

I have watched God’s Word manifest into reality over and over again in my life.  Just the other day as I sat in funeral for a woman I didn’t know, but was kin to my wife; I watched a prayer I always prayed everyday while I was in prison manifest itself once again in my life.  Every night before I went to sleep I would pray that the Lord make me to be at peace with my enemies.  For those who may not know, I spent over eight years in prison for manslaughter.  All the details can be found in my book Convicted: A True Story: My Life After Death or on my About Page at illustration of a man lock up in prison  I prayed this prayer every night because when the tragedy causing my imprisonment happened, I received a great deal of death threats a long with threats on my wellbeing.  Although no real attempts were ever made at my life, I spent my prison sentence with one eye always focused over my shoulder.  Before I go into the incident which happened the other day at the funeral, I want to revisit the time when I first saw my prayer become reality.

Towards the end of my prison sentence, I came across a guy who didn’t know me, but was dedicated to the neighborhood he came from.  Word had been sent to him from the outside to basically attack me.  Prison is a very small place and word travels fast, so I already knew he wanted to get at me if ever given the right opportunity.  He also made it very clear with the mean looks he gave on every occasion we crossed paths.  However, it didn’t really bother me, and I was prepared to protect myself.

One day we happened to be in the cafeteria at the same time.  After I finished my dinner, I sat at his table and let him know how I felt about the situation.  I basically let him know that I understood he wanted to tear my head off, however; both of us were very close to going home which would make a confrontation between us stupid on both our behalf.  I explained how I was sure he had a family who loved him and wanted to see him home as soon as possible, and so did I.   Therefore, if he disliked me that much for reasons he really didn’t have the full truth about, then, I would be more than happy to handle our feud on the streets.  Evidently, I made a valid argument because he didn’t react in a violent or threatening way; he just gave a subtle nod.  I simply got up and walked away.

About two weeks later he ended up getting moved to my dorm. When I saw him walk through the door with his belongings, I figured it was only a matter of time before we ended up fighting.  However, by the grace of God, we actually sat down like men and discussed the reason why he didn’t like me.  Needless to say, he ended up becoming a very good friend of mine.  He let me know the guys who had told him to hurt me and who to watch out for when I got out.  He ended up getting out a year before I did.  Nevertheless, when I did eventually get out of prison and ran into him on the streets, he still honored the friendship we developed before he left.

Each time we see God’s Word come alive in our lives, it grows our faith just a little more than what it had previously been.  It helps us to believe and trust in God just a little bit more.  Let’s face it; we’ve all had our doubts at certain points in our lives as to God’s Word and its authenticity.  Most of us don’t start off in our faith just believing whole heartedly in His Word or His abilities to perform everything He promised us, his children.  Well I am here to tell you that His Word is the absolute truth and will do everything it says it will do if only you can believe.  The other day I witnessed just how powerful praying God’s Word can be once it is rooted in your heart.  To be continued……….

My Dear Friend,

The other day I received an email in the account I just recently established.  It said someone was about to pass and wanted to leave me $10,000,000 in order to help with spreading the gospel.  I must admit, it sounded really good, as a matter of fact I will let you read it for yourself:   My Dear Friend,

Do not be surprised, is God’s Work. I decided to donate the sum of $10,000,000.00 (Ten Million United States Dollars) to you for the good work of the Lord, and also to help the Motherless and less privilege and also for the assistance of the widows according to (James1:27).

My name is Mrs. Margaret Dean; I am dying women who have decided to donate what I have for you in order to use it for the benefit of our nation and the rest of our citizenry. I am a native of Russian Federation , but my husband is from London . I was diagnosed for cancer about years ago, immediately after the death of my husband, who had left me everything he worked for.

I have adjusted my WILL and my Executor is aware I have changed my will; you and he will arrange for the change of ownership of the funds as it is presently deposited in Barclays Bank, and lodged the box in a coded Security company whose name is Access International.

Contact my Executor: Barrister mark fernando with this specified email: with your full names contact telephone/fax number and your full address and tell him that I have WILLED sum ($10,000, 000.00) to you and I have also notified him that I am WILLING that amount to you for a specific and good work. I know, I don’t know you but my spirit have been directed to do this, while am still in sick bed waiting for an operation tomorrow morning.

Margaret Dean

This is how so many people get scammed on a daily basis, while most figure this is just another scam, somebody will actually pursue this a little further to see if it could, by the grace of God, be true.  A con artist is really good at using a person’s emotions and greed to lure them in to the scheme.  I just wanted to share this because I’d heard about these types of letters or emails, but I had not actually ever received one until now.  I am sure the next step would have been to send my bank account information so the money could be wired to me.  The sad thing is that the thought did cross my mind for a fraction of a second as to whether it could have possibly been true.

Under Construction

web buildingAlthough I have published my website,, I still have a lot of work to do with it. I know it will probably be under construction for quite awhile, but at least it is up and running now. It feels really good to start blogging again, and has been a long time coming since the last post. I chose to leave most of my old post so people could compare or notice any growth which might have taken place over the last couple of years as far as my writing and  thoughts are concerned. The book I just published, Convicted: A True Story: My Life After Death, has taken things to a entirely different level and I am excited with beginning to operate on that level. With that said, thank you for joining me for the Grand Opening  of and please continue to check back as I will be making changes on a daily basis. Praise God!

Tears of Two

I realize I have probably posted this poem before, but it has so much meaning to me, and the way I feel about my mother.  I actually wrote it after I had recieved my prison sentence, and it wasn’t life without parole.  Her and I were happy because we knew I would have a chance to experience life outside of prison again. Even though I had recieved 25 years, in which I was suppose to do 12.5, we still had the victory because it could have easily been 50 years or life.

After making it through the storm we had just come out of, we knew God was on our side and we didn’t have anything to worry about. I was content and ready to face the next storm, which was actually doing the time. Moreover, God had already placed Romans 8v31 deep into my heart, therefore, I was fully equipped and prepared to face all things. Glory to God!  All mothers should put God first and give your children to him before they come out of your womb. Place the Word in their hearts when they are young, and although they may stray a bit as they become older, they will always find their way back to the foundation you built them on.

Momma always felt my pain
Though tears it would often bring
Momma always stood the rain

Though tears she’d be slowly crying
Momma never stopped trying
Though inside she’d be slowly dying

Momma always saved the day
Through words of wisdom and knowledge she’d say
Momma always made a way

Through help from the Lord above
Momma filled my life with love
Through the hands of the Lord above
Momma is my soaring dove

All our fears have come to past
Tears of happiness we can cry at last

Spiritual Warfare

Glory to God! The other week I was listening to one of Bill Winston’s sermons called Spiritual Warfare. He starts by reading scripture from Ephesians 6 v10 which refers to putting on the full armor of God because our battle is not with flesh and blood, but with spiritual forces of wickedness. That is a quick paraphrase; you will have to read the entire scripture for yourself. None the less, I had a revelation concerning the beginning of my incarceration and some of the things which led up to it.

I thought about the beginning of my incarceration, and how my mind was all messed up. I always tell people I am a good example of what the word of God can do; just the fact that I am able to hold a decent conversation with someone today is a miracle. I will never forget how my mother and I would sit on the phone for hours at a time praying and her reading scriptures in order to calm me down. I was so paranoid and scared that I would call her back sometimes 10 or 15 minutes after we had just gotten off the phone; I would be frantic and discombobulated that quick. Her voice would give me a peace of mind and sense of comfort. Looking back she was such an amazing woman not to ever get frustrated with me constantly calling, because I thought someone or something was trying to get me.

She would just start reading daily breads, faith to faith books, and scriptures. I remember she would always tell me that even Moses killed someone and God still used him to do his work, and that I wasn’t any different from him. I mean she drilled that into my mind until I started believing it, and using it to help me cope with the horrible thing I had done. As soon as we would get off the phone I would run back to my bunk, read the Bible, and pray myself to sleep. She never gave up on me even though I was draining her mentally, physically, and spiritually by her not being able to physically come and take care of her baby boy. She said the only thing she could do was pray and ask God what to do, and those were the things he told her to tell me and do for me.

I very seldom tell people about the way I felt when I slept at night, and it only seemed to take place at night. It felt like there was a fight going on inside of me that I was semi-conscious of while I was sleeping. I knew something was going on; I use to tell myself that God was fighting for my soul back. I recently had a revelation about what I was going through during those nights.

I had let so many evil spirits into my body and mind with the way I was living and the things I was doing on the streets; I was basically overtaken by them spiritually. I truly believe that the sherm/PCP was a gate allowing demonic spirits to come in and take control of me, and anyone who smokes it. Think about all the crazy things it causes people to do. Then think about what you have seen on TV and heard stories about it seeming to give people super human strength. There was a guy on “Cops” who was fighting several police officers, they kept referring to how the PCP had that type of effect on suspects and how they had to be careful when trying to subdue them. Look at Mark 5: 2-20.

In my opinion, that is the sign of a demon spirit taking over someone. I remember feeling so numb and almost dead to a certain extent while high on sherm. It just seemed to suck the life out of me. I know it might be hard to fully understand what I am talking about, but it really had me doing some things that looking back on weren’t me at all. I am not placing responsibility for my actions on something supernatural, because I take full responsibility for the crimes I committed and the people I hurt. No one told me to ingest such poison into to my system, and no one forced me to live the way I was living. Those were all conscious decisions I made.

We already addressed the fact that fear is not of God and paranoia isn’t either, so where else would these things come from? I got the revelation that there was definitely a fight going on within me spiritually per se. I was too weak spiritually to resist these demons; however, through the word and prayer, they had to come up out of me. My prayer was calling in angels to fight off all the unclean spirits that had encamped inside of me, and they were being replaced with all the word I was reading during the day. I can even remember having visions and mental pictures of these things taking place. Now, I realize that it was the Holy Spirit giving me comfort and letting me know not to be afraid of what was going on. I remember being terrified at first and not even wanting to go to sleep at night, until I received that revelation of what was happening.

I realize this may be a little hard for some to grasp or understand, because it seems like something you would see in a fictional movie or read in a book. However, during the year of 1997, it was my reality and I was living it every day until all the unclean spirits were uprooted out of me, and I was able to think and function again like normal. Honestly, I started functioning better than normal. Ephesians 6 verse 12 sums it up the best, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

The worst thing you can do is let the devil trick you into believing that he and his demons are not real. However, the good news is that we have complete power over him and all his minions through the name and blood of Jesus. Look at Matthew 10v1. The only power he has over us is that which we allow him to have when we live in the world and not in the spirit. With all the things going on in the world today, the only true way to secure safety and comfort is giving your life totally to God. Admit Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, then seek God diligently and watch what happens. Look at Hebrews 10v6.

My Sunday Funday!

Ever since I started back to work waking up at 4am, my writing has taken a back seat. However I told myself I will not stop writing no matter what. Last weekend, my fiancé and I took a trip to Forest Park, Illinois in order to visit Bill Winston’s church on Sunday. I definitely had a wonderful time. The revelation that God gave him to turn a mall into a church is extraordinary.

The front side is built like a strip mall which houses a multitude of stores including a K-Mart, grocery store, and a buffet style restaurant to name a few. The actual church is built on the backside of the strip mall and is absolutely amazing. You can leave out the church and access the stores through the inside mall. The church also owns a bank and a Christian business school which is all located in the mall. It is one of those things you would just have to see in order to get a true feel for the setup.

The Holy Spirit was definitely guiding our way while there, because as soon as we arrived in Forest Park on Saturday, we went straight to their Christian bookstore located in the mall. While looking around we somehow indulged in conversation with one of the guys who work in the bookstore; the fact that we were from out of town came up in the conversation. He gave us a 15% discount and also told us to make sure we looked for him on Sunday, so he could have us seated.

The church has so many members that Pastor Bill Winston has to preach 3 morning services. The times are 7am, 9am, and 11am with each one running over into the next. We opted to go at 11am, because the 9am service is usually so full that they have an overflow room where you can watch the service on the big screen if you did not make it early enough to get a seat inside. This man would need a stadium built in order to house all the people from all three services. Moreover, we didn’t have to look far for the guy we meet at the book store, and he held true to his word. He had us wait by a side door to the seating area and told one of the ushers to make sure we got good seats. As the 9am service was letting out the usher first led us to seats a couple rows from the front. Then he came back and asked if we wanted to sit in one of the front rows. I don’t know about my fiancé, but I was ecstatic.

I usually watch his 11am service on the internet on the following Monday of each week, and here I was sitting right in one of the front rows with an up close and personal view. I am so thankful for my fiancé suggesting that we go, and what’s so funny is that it had to be the Holy Spirit that put it on her heart because she don’t even listen to him like I do. God was definitely showing me favor through her. I am telling you, my life has been so much more amazing since I have learned the truth about my blessings in the Kingdom of God and the true meaning of walking in Jesus. Next week I will get back to my regular writing, I just had to share my blessing.

Spiritual Awakening!

Wow! I know it seems like forever since I have written anything in my blog, but I have been busy fighting the enemy. Of course good always prevails over evil and the truth will always shame a lie. Here I am again, so obviously I claimed victory no matter how long it took. I can’t wait to fill you in on what went down over the last month.

The same day I went back to correct my last chapter concerning the circle, and attempted to post another article to clear up some things I had said, my internet just stopped working. Now I must admit the way I was receiving my internet wasn’t 100% the best way to receive it, but it was working just fine up to that point. Immediately, I suspected foul play by the enemy, because I knew what I had to say would illuminate some gray area. Moreover, I wanted to look up this pastor named Bill Winston and download some of his sermons off the internet. The enemy definitely did not want this to happen, and I most certainly know why, which I will explain a little later.

I found out about Bill Winston from a good friend and coworker of mine. He and I started driving to Kokomo for work each day, which was about an hour and fifteen minute drive for us. The only thing he listens to is gospel music, so one day he popped in a tape of Bill Winston’s sermon. Yeah, you heard right, and it kind of took me by surprise because I hadn’t even noticed that a tape deck was underneath the CD player until he popped it in. Well, Bill got to preaching and I got to listening and the rest is history. I hadn’t heard anyone preach as well as teach the word like he was doing. Everything he was saying was backed by scripture, and the truth rang out like a tornado warning to my ears and spirit.

I instantly wanted to get my own audio of his sermons except, I needed CD’s of course. The only dilemma was either you had to get them off internet or travel to Chicago and visit his personal Christian bookstore. As soon as the enemy knew I was about to start listening to Bill he tried to stop me, but only slowed me down and made me desire to hear him that much more. After a couple weeks passed by, I attempted to take my laptop to places where I could pick up the internet and pay for mp3 versions of his sermons. I was able to purchase the material from his website, however, every time I tried to download the mp3 material, I ran into some type of problem. After a couple days of being frustrated with my situation, something said why not try the church’s internet.

Sure enough, I was able to successfully download my material and begin listening to what ultimately changed my life. The following week I was able to get my internet back up and running and have been downloading and listening to Bill Winston almost day and night. All I can say is WOW! I can’t wait to start sharing my new spiritual awakening.

Who Are You?

Have you ever noticed the fact that every superhero, whether in a comic book or on the big screen, has some type of flaw which acts as a stumbling block throughout their career? They all possess something that stops them just short of being almost perfect. In Superman’s case it was kryptonite. The Incredible Hulk or David Banner had issues with controlling his anger.

Years ago, I had no choice but to get in tune with myself, learning and accepting myself inside and out. One of the things I attempted to do in this process was make a list of the things I considered flaws within me. I really wasn’t satisfied with that, so I took it to another level and started observing myself and paying closer attention to the way I acted and reacted to situations and people. I quickly realized that this could take forever because I am not the same person all the time. I realized I have multiple personalities and that I am also like a chameleon; I accordingly adapt and change to my situation or conversation. However, after many years of observation, if I had to choose one thing that always resurfaces as a major stumbling block in my life, it would definitely be PROCRASTINATION. This has plagued me since grade school. In high school I had to master the art of cramming for exams the night before as a result of it. Even while I was going through college in prison, where I had nothing but time on my hands, I found myself under the gun cramming for exams or writing papers at the last minute. I can say, as a result I work very well under pressure, however; I don’t want to work under pressure for the rest of my life in order to perform well at things. Only by the grace of God, I don’t already have a full head of gray hair from the stress of putting things off until the last minute and working under pressure.

Although we are far from super heroes, we all possess great super powers beyond man’s understanding through Christ who strengthens us and prayer. We must also be aware that we are on the frontlines of a spiritual war each day. It is important to know yourself because the wiles of the enemy are great. Please believe he has researched and know each one of our weaknesses and plays on them any and every chance he gets. He knows that I am a procrastinator, and the easiest way to hinder me from performing one of my duties in the body of Christ is to redirect my attention away from writing. Oftentimes, he will attempt to have me entertain thoughts such as: you don’t know what you are talking about, your degree don’t qualify you to write about stuff like this, or no one is even reading the junk you spend precious hours to write, you are just wasting your time. However, I know he is the ultimate liar and deceiver and if I continue to write, it will help or touch someone somewhere.

We all have special places and duties to fulfill in the body of Christ. One of the keys to being a great soldier in the spiritual battles we face each day is simply to know you. Know your weaknesses, know your strengths, and allow God to use them all for the greater good. Moreover, learn how to tap into all the power you possess through prayer by learning how to pray for the right things. Learn how to ask God to reveal things to you about you that will help you better serve him. Most importantly, pray for God to use you in whatever way he wants to use you, not the way you think you should be used or would like to be used. There is POWER in PRAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It’s so easy to forget just how blessed we are at times. Over the last several days I have had a constant reminder running up and down the street. There is a little dog that showed up out of nowhere several days ago. It has been running up and down the street with its nose on the ground continuously sniffing as if it is desperately searching for something. The first day I noticed him, I thought he belonged to someone down the street; he had a pace and demeanor as a dog who had just gotten let out doors to find somewhere to take a quick leak or dump. He is about the size of a Shitzu and is wearing a collar, which makes me believe he was once a house dog. After he appeared again the next day with the same stride and deamenor, I became a little more observant. I notice that despite having a collar, he looked straggly and malnurished. I could also tell that he hadn’t been inside the night before and had been roaming up and down the street all night and day. I thought to myself, wow this little guy better find some shelter, because there is a big ice storm coming and surely he will not survive the conditions that are being predicted by the meteorologists. As the freezing rain started to set in that day, he was still wondering around with the same stride. His head was still down with his nose to the ground as if the freezing rain wasn’t encasing everything exposed to its’ relentless downpour. Again, I thought to myself with a sense of concern and compassion that the little fellow would surely freeze overnight. During that night as the wind howled and tree limbs bashed against the house, I thought about the poor little dog that I had named Coojo. About 1am that morning, I put the video game on pause for a brief intermission while I looked out the window. To my astonishment, Coojo was wondering around the yard across the street with the same stride and demeanor as usual.

To make a long story short, when I woke up that day I put some food outside for Coojo to find. I anxiously waited, hoping he would find the food I had strategically placed. He finally found the food a few hours later and devoured it. I felt an enormous sense of relief because I had made it my duty to at least attempt to help the little fellow make it a little longer, seeing as though he had survived this much of the storm. I also thought about the storm I survived with making it out of prison with my life and sanity intact. I know God watches over animals the same as he does us, because that little dog must have an angel in order to survive in the conditions at hand this week, especially if he hasn’t been a stray for long. In return for the food I gave, he gave me inspiration that I will keep in my heart and mind for a long time to come. Whenever I feel like I am in the midst of a terrible storm whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual, I will reflect on the way that little dog never broke his stride no matter what fury the storm unleashed on him. Inspiration like this is definitely priceless. God has a funny way of showing us the things he wants and needs us to see in order to keep us grounded and directed down the right path.

We all fall short…..

Wow! It has been a minute since I actually sat down at the computer to write. I can honestly say that it feels good to do it again. For those of you who are new, I used to write in an online magazine called Indy Blackout, which one of my associates started last year 2010, however due to some unforeseen complications we had to shut the magazine down. I guess I shut down as well and stopped writing in the blog which I had linked to the magazine. People kept inquiring about when I was going to write again so here I am a year later back in the saddle.
I can honestly say the last year has been a period of growth along with a little struggle. Patience is one of the virtues I tend to pat myself on the back for having so much of, as a result of many years in captivity. However, I found out pretty quick over the last year that a higher and different sense of patience is required when it comes to dealing with and helping raise a house full of children. It almost seems like I went from this eligible bachelor with all the things a man thinks he wants and wishes he could have to a straight up family man overnight. Look, I don’t care what anyone says, God does answer prayers. Last year around Valentine’s Day, I put out a piece called “Everything else will follow,” I talked about how God blessed me with my soul mate. It’s actually a very good story and I will put it back up on this blog so you can read it. Well, I didn’t mention that my soul mate came with an already made family so to speak. She has four children whom I now love and take as my own. See when you truly love someone and God is the driving force and motivator in your life, things like that doesn’t even matter. Please don’t get it twisted, we are not the Huxtables and everyday doesn’t taste like peaches and cream by no means. It has been a heck of a transition on all of our parts sometimes involving tremendous chaos and confusion. However, I wouldn’t trade it all for anything in the world because I feel more alive now than I ever have in my entire life.

I know in these times of devastation and turmoil, you have so many people claiming to be this and claiming to be that. It’s hard to find people who are genuine and can truly relate to the common struggle of everyday life from all walks of life. I am just a simple man who has been blessed to go through things which allows me to understand other peoples struggle through that of my own. I am not a preacher nor do I have the desire to be, but I do allow the Holy Spirit to dwell within me and guide me with the things that I do and say. That alone gives a person the type of confidence and courage to face anything that life has to give or take. I can say this with a healthy form of pride, because I know who I am and where my strength comes from and abides in. I don’t fight the Spirit and try to go the way and do the things I want to do, instead I submit to it, allowing it to guide me because I know it is of God through Jesus. It is such a beautiful feeling because no man can take it away from me with their doubts as to whether God really exists or do you really have to accept and know Jesus in order to know and receive favor from God. You see, it would be different if I wasn’t a walking testimony to the greatness and power that my faith and God possess. Just being able to sit here having my thoughts make sense to you, the reader, is absolutely amazing when14 years ago my mind had broken down and had to be retrained and nursed back to health so to speak. People didn’t think I would ever be the same again or if I did I would be mentally unstable. Look at me now, I have claim to a gift that can only be attributed to a miracle. I have access to the type of wisdom, knowledge, and understanding that most people have to live an entire lifetime to acquire. As a result, I am blessed with the ability to touch and comfort people through my writing. I don’t have to convince anyone of this, because the things that the Spirit places on my heart to write say it all. My inner spirit and heart are pure which makes my intentions pure, and that is the reason people feel me when they read my writing. On the other hand, my flesh is flesh so I am not perfect. Sometimes I do ignorant things and make mistakes, but that is okay because I am only human and nobody walking the face of this earth is perfect. We all fall short sometimes no matter who you are or claim to be. I embrace my shortcomings and the mistakes I make because the day I don’t make them anymore is the day my body and flesh are no longer amongst the living. Moreover, I try to limit those mistakes and learn from my own as well as others so I don’t repeat them.

As I said before, I am a simple man and I don’t mind sharing my life with others because it is an open book. I am not ashamed of anything I have been through or might be going through. When I write, it comes from the heart and the one who strengthens me, so there is no room for abashment or regret. Until the next time, embrace your struggle, embrace your shortcomings, embrace the imperfections you might see in yourself, and first and foremost embrace God. Those are key things to becoming content and confident with ones’ self.